Archive | February, 2010

That’s NOT why I am angry

24 Feb

1. I am not angry because you did not put the seat down, I am angry because I have to put it down myself.
2. I am not angry because you cheated on me, I am angry because you let me catch you.
3. I am not angry because I am hungry, I am angry because my stomach is making loud embarrassing noises.
4. I am not angry because I failed the exam, I am angry because my best friend passed the exam.
5. I am not angry because my parents are divorced, I am angry because I now can’t marry my Step brother.
6. I am not angry because you are lying to me I am angry because you are making it so obvious.
7. I am not angry because you beat me up I am angry because you did it in public.
8. I am not angry because of the bad weather, I am angry because some place else the weather is good.
9. I am not angry because I missed the train, I am angry because while rushing for the train I missed the last few minutes of 24.
10. I am not angry because I am poor, I am angry because people think its sad to be poor.


14 Feb

When I found out you were with me

I screamed I had waited for this day long

A breath of fresh beginnings now

You put a smile on my face soon you kicked me too

All I wanted was for you to be happy

So I ate what was good for you and began shopping

I sang for you I craved the feeling of your touch

I prepared for your arrival anxiously

Heart pounding palms wet the awaited day

Anticipated pains never experienced before

How I hoped you came out bouncy and beautiful

Out of breath I hear a baby crying loud

Your in my arms I am with an everlasting smile

Finally at last I meet you precious one

Your my greatest gift , why cry?

Hush little one mummy loves you


14 Feb

Have you ever lost a normal blue biro and for a few days after no other pen you use feels right all papers you right seem less perfect. Or maybe you never lost a blue biro but like me you have lost something or even someone that was just normal and plain but all of a sudden now the only memory you have of it is perfect the blue biro was the only biro for you. A lot of people can relate to this feeling when a loss occurs, hence the popular quote “you never know what you had until you lost it” We always let ourselves get lost in the loss and yearn for what never mattered and never made a real impact. We make ourselves believe that we will never have better. That was the peak of it that was the mountain top that was the end of the ocean. This attitude we are very familiar with now steps in the way of moving on with our life’s, and finding new blue biros that are more smooth than the random one we lost. Did you really lose anything worth a miss? It’s only human to yearn for what you think you cannot have. You easily make yourself believe that it is what you need and want because you cannot have it! You close your mind from what you can have and deserve because of the past. Is that what you want your life to be ,to hope for what never made a difference in your life ,what never brought you genuine joy ,what was just there lying around in your hand bag silent making no noise or singing a sweet melody. Even when people die loss makes us forget all the wrongs we only have a memory of a perfect person who did no wrong.

“Loss is a feeling that is often mistaken for love. “

Apart from dwelling in the past another situation a lot of us can relate with is hoping for a brighter future. We most of the time have it in our heads that there will always be a better time, that there is more to expect, that what we are now cannot be all we are about. This feeling is closely linked to greed. Greed for what we cannot have now, what we think we ought to have to have lived. We yearn for more wealth, better health, more comfort, more education, more love, more dancing even. This attitude is not all bad I mean it makes us work hard to earn what we think we want. It is linked to ambition, hard work, business savvy, determination and even perseverance. We think that after all the hard work we will get to where we ought to be. We will be able to afford things we once could not, get invited to functions we once were not, talk to people we had no access to before. We always want what we cannot have now not necessarily because we need it but just for the heck of it.

The life we once had and the life that will soon be has a big impact on us today. We are always living in the past or hoping for the future. We hardly live in the now just freely how we could. We don’t even know what we as individual really want we just know a version of what other people think we should want or what we can’t have now that we think we should want. What do I really want now? That is a difficult question even for me because I have been used to relating today to yesterday and working towards what I want tomorrow. I often link my today to how it will affect my tomorrow and even next year without really thinking of what I really want now. Or maybe I never really want anything in the now?

Well as hard as life is life can be very beautiful. It depends on you alone to make life beautiful for yourself.

You are the artist of the one off painting called your life. Are you going to make it a one off master piece like the Mona Lisa or are you going to do scribbles with a one year old’s Crayola crayon. Whichever as long as you are happy after all “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.

I am not saying planning is bad. But sometimes learn to live today like there will be no tomorrow it just might be the best day you will ever have. I’ll try to practise what I preach.

Got inspiration from a novel I just finished this morning the main character Constance Thorne was so wrapped round her past that in my opinion she never really lived. I cannot re write this best seller and make Connie live but I can definitely write my life the way I want.


14 Feb

Why is the sky blue and sometimes not blue

Why does the sun shine sometimes the same time rain falls

Why is the train early when you want it late even if

It delayed you for the past few days why!

Why do you wake up some days very happy and

Some days sad for reasons you and no one else knows

Why can’t babies talk even if their senses are most sharp

Why can’t dogs see colours not red not blue not even green why!

You could go on asking Why! Why! Why!

Every time you wake up and the sky is not blue

Or when you tell a baby you love he or she and get no reply

You may just never stop asking why!

Close-minded in an open-minded world

14 Feb

I advise myself to shut up. I plead with my mouth to remain sealed. I have so much to say, I am left to have discussions and debates in my mind. The world now accepts everything, everyone, every belief. What is wrong or right is always relative to a context. What is good or bad is left to an individual.

No one wants to look uncool. We are ashamed of what we stand up for. If we were not ashamed then why do we keep quiet? We want to remain popular among our peers. If everyone is proud of what they stand for,it doesn’t mean I have to respect what they stand for.

Everything is right, nothing is wrong. The world is now so accepting, can this mean the world is coming to an end soon. Or can this mean that the world has just begun. Everyone around me is so open-minded. I remain alone with my strong views no one to talk to so I better be content with debating in my mind. I am the talkative foreigner who is only silent because everyone in this place does not understand the language I speak.


14 Feb

“Love is blind” romantics intone. Love does not see what is wrong with the other. She should see with her two eyes all the wrong he is doing to her. He should see with the aid of his contact lenses, abhor in her eyes when she looks at him. Apparently because of the love they share they remain blind. They see nothing wrong with the other.

What is the basis of love blindness and visual impairment? Why couldn’t love be short sighted or long sighted at least there would be an easy cure. Did love ever see or was it born blind? Is blind love a stigma we have to live with forever. What is the treatment for this stigma then? How much does it cost to be set free? Is there an agonizing medical operation this love can go through? Is there a spiritual liberation for this blind love? Is this my punishment from a previous incarnation? I want this love to see again without me having to throw it away or live without it. “Love is blind” is not a good enough justification for this misbehaviour of my mind. Please I cry, find me the optician for love.