14 Feb

Have you ever lost a normal blue biro and for a few days after no other pen you use feels right all papers you right seem less perfect. Or maybe you never lost a blue biro but like me you have lost something or even someone that was just normal and plain but all of a sudden now the only memory you have of it is perfect the blue biro was the only biro for you. A lot of people can relate to this feeling when a loss occurs, hence the popular quote “you never know what you had until you lost it” We always let ourselves get lost in the loss and yearn for what never mattered and never made a real impact. We make ourselves believe that we will never have better. That was the peak of it that was the mountain top that was the end of the ocean. This attitude we are very familiar with now steps in the way of moving on with our life’s, and finding new blue biros that are more smooth than the random one we lost. Did you really lose anything worth a miss? It’s only human to yearn for what you think you cannot have. You easily make yourself believe that it is what you need and want because you cannot have it! You close your mind from what you can have and deserve because of the past. Is that what you want your life to be ,to hope for what never made a difference in your life ,what never brought you genuine joy ,what was just there lying around in your hand bag silent making no noise or singing a sweet melody. Even when people die loss makes us forget all the wrongs we only have a memory of a perfect person who did no wrong.

“Loss is a feeling that is often mistaken for love. “

Apart from dwelling in the past another situation a lot of us can relate with is hoping for a brighter future. We most of the time have it in our heads that there will always be a better time, that there is more to expect, that what we are now cannot be all we are about. This feeling is closely linked to greed. Greed for what we cannot have now, what we think we ought to have to have lived. We yearn for more wealth, better health, more comfort, more education, more love, more dancing even. This attitude is not all bad I mean it makes us work hard to earn what we think we want. It is linked to ambition, hard work, business savvy, determination and even perseverance. We think that after all the hard work we will get to where we ought to be. We will be able to afford things we once could not, get invited to functions we once were not, talk to people we had no access to before. We always want what we cannot have now not necessarily because we need it but just for the heck of it.

The life we once had and the life that will soon be has a big impact on us today. We are always living in the past or hoping for the future. We hardly live in the now just freely how we could. We don’t even know what we as individual really want we just know a version of what other people think we should want or what we can’t have now that we think we should want. What do I really want now? That is a difficult question even for me because I have been used to relating today to yesterday and working towards what I want tomorrow. I often link my today to how it will affect my tomorrow and even next year without really thinking of what I really want now. Or maybe I never really want anything in the now?

Well as hard as life is life can be very beautiful. It depends on you alone to make life beautiful for yourself.

You are the artist of the one off painting called your life. Are you going to make it a one off master piece like the Mona Lisa or are you going to do scribbles with a one year old’s Crayola crayon. Whichever as long as you are happy after all “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.

I am not saying planning is bad. But sometimes learn to live today like there will be no tomorrow it just might be the best day you will ever have. I’ll try to practise what I preach.

Got inspiration from a novel I just finished this morning the main character Constance Thorne was so wrapped round her past that in my opinion she never really lived. I cannot re write this best seller and make Connie live but I can definitely write my life the way I want.

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