Facebook Identity

16 Apr

“Dear Facebook , one day they will abandon you too. Sincerely Myspace”
This is a famous tweet I have seen so many times on twitter . I am not so sure I agree with Myspace, well till I see Facebook getting abandoned too. Although I used to go to Myspace often I never ever created a personal page as I never thought I needed one. Furthermore Myspace is really for people looking to pursue a music career, and although I have been told more than twice that I have a nice singing voice I am not so sure about making it a career (I mean everyone has a nice voice in the shower and when singing in church). Yes I have been in choir and done a few solos but that was when I was more selfless.
I have used Facebook for almost 6 years now. There are very few traces of things I had put up initially and I frequently clear things off from my profile. I remember the early days of Facebook it was like a form of heroine. I was an addict!, I would update my status often, upload pictures mostly of me posing in my room. I kept intouch with friends wrote on their walls, commented on their pictures, posts, etc. I would read friends wall to wall and find out random information that I would use for nothing. I joined a number of interesting groups. I was so pleased with the fact that I could reconnect with long lost friends. Its was an invitation to peoples cyber life’s. 6 years on I am now less active on Facebook, less openly expressive and most of my Facebook conversations happen inbox and not on my wall. I upload pictures sparingly and try to be discreet about my life in the most possible way. I hardly write on friend’s walls and hardly update my status. And I am now more cautious about what I comment on Facebook because it would broadcast on my friend’s newsfeed. I try to be as inactive as I can, I even removed my wall for a about year because I knew people would not make an effort to inbox unless it was very important. And also I feel that what people write on Facebook sometimes is superficial because they know other people will see it, but in inbox I realise that people are more real, relaxed and less pretentious.Sometimes on Facebook I laugh when I see what people that I know quite well post. I am thinking no no no that is so not you, you do not sound like that.
Below I have categorised 6 different Facebook identities that interest, bewilder and even annoy me.
The Religious Facebooker: Every status of this type of Facebook user is religious (may be a quote from the Bible or Koran). This person writes long posts giving religious advices subliminally telling us they are spiritually ahead of us and are in the position to preach the word. This person also goes round liking every religious post they see on Facebook. They comment on all religious posts they see on their newsfeed giving their own insight on the particular topic. Some of them also have some Facebook applications that post religious posts on all their friends newsfeed. This sort of person normally has conservative pictures on Facebook, nothing scandalous (hallelujah! we prefer it that way no one wants to see the half naked born again). This person normally blocks their tagged pictures so we do not see that they also have fun, (and if their tagged pictures show there will be boring anyway as they would untag all the interesting stuff). Please I hope this does not mislead anyone to thinking that I am not religious, as I am a devoted Christian but some of these people just come across as hypocritical to me and just plain annoying (especially when you find out certain true unflattering things about them).
‘My life is so interesting’ Facebooker: Okay when I am bored this is my favourite type of Facebooker, but when my life is moving smoothly not so much. This person will upload pictures every week of all their adventures. These pictures always comprise of the same group of friends, doing exactly what they do every weekend just in different clothes. This person gives updates of their life on their status, like ‘yesterday night was fun’ and then the friends who you know through the weekly pictures will all come and comment on the status and by the time you are done reading all the comments you know exactly how ‘yesterday night’ went. This person puts up the current youtube videos on their wall (by current I mean the youtube video that is going viral globally at the particular point in time). Well for those boring days you my dear are my favourite Facebooker.
Political/News reporter Facebooker: First of all thank you for keeping me so updated. I actually appreciate the efforts of this Facebooker constantly posting all the important news and events happening in the world. Some choose certain things in the news to always post about , some post about sports (football, basket ball, tennis, cricket), some post about the hilarious parts of the news (like prime minister in sex scandal), some post all the financial news (like Goldman Sachs invests in Facebook), some post the political news (like will America re-elect Obama), and some focus on a particular country(like Nigeria, UK, Palestine, China, Japan, India). Then sometimes if you read the comments on such posts you see interesting debabtes going on between friends and colleagues. Its always the same people that comment on these peoples posts and its just very interesting if the particular post in question interests you. Keep up the good work! although sometimes I want to tell you to go find a job in CNN and leave us on Facebook alone.
“Why so serious” Facebooker: This person has their whole CV on their Facebook profile. They are also a combination of the ‘religious Facebooker’ and the ‘political and news reporter’ Facebooker. All their statuses are so serious and apparently deep. They try to sound intellectually able and use very big words all the time. They only comment on serious and deep Facebook posts. They definitely have a picture of them receiving an award on Facebook. Why so serious especially if you are still that young (by young I mean below 60). I am not even going to waste time writing about this person because life is too short and I wish they realised that too.
Empty Facebooker: This person’s last update on Facebook was 5 months ago. The last three wall posts which are about 1 month old all say basically the same thing ‘where are you’. You have seen all the pictures on the profile before as they are all about 2 years old. The tagged pictures on this profile are all blocked, basically its a dead end. The ironic thing is that some of these so called empty Facebookers log on everyday and even stalk you that cannot get any update from them. You think you can fool me that you actually have a life interesting enough to avoid Facebook. Okay I do admit you have fooled me keep it up!.
No game plan Facebooker: you never know what to expect from this Facebooker. Everything they post is so intriguing and unique. You do not even realise that you look out for their posts on Facebook and their comments on other peoples post. They have a sense of humour too. Infact they are all rounders they upload interesting different pictures that do not always feature the same people and place. They also put youtube videos, have the odd political post and even have some religious posts. You realise when this person has not done anything on facebook for a while as your news feed is just left with the other types of Facebookers. I like this Facebooker, interesting surprises never gets old. Although some of these Facebookers are pretentious as they are always trying to do the unexpected instead of relaxing and being themselves or being Empty Facebookers.
It is often said that if Facebook was a country it would be the largest country or second largest country in the world(something like that basically emphasizing how many people use Facebook). Facebook constantly changes its format to attract more users, but how long can they keep us glued to the blue world before we go somewhere else. May be next century Facebook would still be very active and will write back to Myspace saying “Dear Myspace, I wonder if you went to heaven when you died, tell me how it is there as I may never see it as I doubt I will ever die, Sincerely Facebook”.

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