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Twisted Paths – 1

7 Jan

love pad locks
Tomorrow is my friend Uduak’s 21st birthday and I have been looking forward to it for the past one month. I helped her plan the day, chose the venue, hired the DJ and at some point I am going to give a speech which I will most likely free style as I have nothing prepared. I am wearing a spaghetti strap red backless sequin midi length dress, black strappy sandals, and gold costume earrings, choker, bangle and rings. Although I always put in my best, today I am going to extra lengths to look very sexy as my ex-boyfriend Etim will be there. I have not seen him since I walked out of his halls room two months ago in tears, when he broke up with me out of the blue giving me no reason. I mean we were happy, or at least I thought so. He pursued me for two months after meeting me at Uduak’s house the summer before we started Uni; he was going to study Mechanical Engineering at Imperial and I Law at KCL. We eventually started seeing each other and it helped that we were both in London so were almost inseparable for two and a half years. I always had and still have this picture at the back of my mind, me and Etim lying at a beach in the Bahamas, with our 7 year old son and 5 year old daughter in front of us building a sand house. That day and for a week after he broke up with me I felt a lump in my chest, and have since thrown myself into studying for my final year and making sure I graduate top of my class, and last week I received an offer to do my masters at Oxford. I have stayed really focussed at Uni, deferred my training contract offer from Slaughter and May till next year and will be interning at JP Morgan this summer. I have reduced my use of social media to avoid seeing updates about Etim, but he still manages to stay on my mind. Uduak says he always asks her about me, I don’t know if she says this to make me feel better or it is actually true. They have been friends since childhood so I understand why she had to invite him today; I wonder if he has told her the reason why he broke up with me, I have never asked her part of me does not want to know. I thought of bringing a date for the party, but no one has crossed my mind due to me being so recluse for the past two months, I have met no one new and plus me and Uduak have a lot of mutual friends so I will not be lonely at the party.

Of all days to wake up with cramps, the very day I have been waiting for, my first social outing in two months. I call Uduak and we have talk for 1 hour, its funny how we always have so much to talk about she is like the sister I never had, I love my three brothers but I always secretly wanted a sister. I cannot believe I only met her at 6th form feels like I’ve known her all my life, she is the first girl that has been able to understand me, most of my other close friends are guys. Two hours before I start to head to the party the pain killers finally start kicking in, and I receive my first text from Etim in two months saying “looking forward to seeing you tonight baby girl xxx”. And just like that, my cramps come back in full force; my emotions are all over the place, hate, love, irritation, lust, wonder. Normally it takes me fifteen minutes to make up my face, today it takes me one hour because I cannot concentrate my heart is pounding, my palms are sweating, basically I am totally screwed.
I walk into the room do a brief scan and there is no sign of Etim, not that I was expecting him to come on time anyway. I go to say hello to the DJ who I had hired, he comments on how hot I look tonight, I shyly smile and go to give the birthday girl a kiss and her present. Uduak looks beyond beautiful today, I mean she always does but I must say twenty one looks very good on her, she is oozing so much class and sophistication tonight. She is wearing a long sleeve white dress, that has a slit that is up to her mid-thigh, and gold sandals, her boyfriend John does look dapper in his black tuxedo. He walks towards us with a friend of his, we hug and he whispers to me saying he hope I have not told her what he got her for birthday. His friend reaches his hand out to shake me, I notice his hands are shaking, but he holds on to my hand I smile and he finally speaks “hi I’m Tunde and you look beautiful Rita”. I’m about to ask how he knows my name and John reading my mind says “don’t ask”. John and Uduak excuse themselves to go greet other guests. I’m left with Tunde and he starts to tell me how he has known about me for two years, apparently two years ago he saw me at a Zara store on oxford street, and was about to walk up to me but then he heard a guy call out Rita and I looked up and smiled and ran towards the guy who picked me up and kissed me on my forehead. And since then he started seeing me around London mostly with the same guy from Zara, it was not till six months ago he saw a picture of me tagged on Facebook with Uduak and John he finally found out my name.

To be continued!

Until next time,

Cat on A Hot Tin Roof

25 Jul

Cat on a hot thin roof

Okay the heading of this post has nothing to do with the classic movie. I guess was struggling for a tittle and it popped into my head so why not?? I am just going to update you on some things going on….

So this year has been very rocky, so many things have been going on beneath the smile. I am lucky to have an amazing family cheering me through it all. The Lord does not give you battles you cannot win in the end one just has to keep believing, everything happens for a reason. When life throws you lemons you make a caprihna 😉

Right now I cannot keep questioning things, but just keep moving forward following guidance from the lord. There is always a reason to give praise to the Lord. I was feeling down about something, for about a week and I had not been able to find tears. I am still going through it, but I am getting better. I felt I needed to see tears to know I was fully understanding the implication of what was happening. Alas! it took someones insensitive words to finally make me cry about the situation. You ever feel like you are not fully dealing with pain, you really want to cry but cannot find tears? I felt that way like I was not sad enough, and so when the person said something to trigger the tears even though I was upset, I was grateful that I was finally crying! I kind of understand why people cut themselves when depressed (not that I am depressed) but sometimes your life is crushing and you are just floating in life, but you feel you need to make yourself feel pain to trigger something. Thats why its good to have someone/people you can trust to confide in. In my case I had my family and it was even someone in my family that said something insensitive after I confided that made me cry. Talking about what you are going through reduces the burden on oneself, and reduces the weight you have to carry. However be careful not to share with the wrong person that may not have your best intentions at heart.

Its funny that you can feel your world is crashing, but that very same life is one people can only dream of having. I have decided to stay prayerful and keep trusting in the Lord and I believe he will see me through it all. These experiences will only make me stronger, and only make me more prepared for bigger battles to come. Life is mysterious!

Diary of a Glad African Woman–Part 3

13 Nov

Yesterday I was on a 3 hour train journey,I was seated beside a beautiful African woman. I was chatting (typing) with a mate on my Blackberry and I hear her say “what is with this generation and the need for constant communication”. I turn to look at her and laugh, we begin discussing and she shares her story with me.

She has never been married and is 40 years old. She has not exactly given up on the idea of marriage. She has been engaged twice but never made it to the altar. The main problem was that the men could not get over her success. She sits over millions and has built a successful business from scratch. Both men had always said this was not a problem but a few months to the wedding started showing insecurities. Both times she called off the marriage. Now she has been in an on and off relationship with a guy for 5 years. He wants to get married but she is afraid of committing because of what happened in the past. She knows she may not be able to have her own kids anymore and is open to the idea of adoption in future. She spends a lot of time with her nieces and nephews who are very fond of her. In her business more than half of her employees are male. She has been said to adopt a more masculine approach at work like a lot of successful business women. However when doing business deals she still has to prove herself all the time. She cooks, she bakes, and she makes her own pizzas from scratch. She is very intelligent and did very well in school. She has won a number of awards for her achievements. She is a philanthropist and is often called to give empowering speeches to women.
I thought this African woman was a very ardent independent woman. However I am aware that the world may frown at a woman who has called off two weddings and is refusing to commit to her present relationship. The world would perhaps feel sorry for her as she has no children to call her own and share her wealth with. The world should not judge this woman; she got success at a young age and it’s a baggage she has to carry with her for the rest of her life. Will men ever get over their insecurities when dealing with such a successful woman?

This is the 21st century personally I would want to have it all balanced properly; the family, the home, the career. This I am told is a close to unattainable combination.

Dairy of a Glad African Woman—Part 1

6 Aug

My younger sister warms my heart. Her accepted wisdom is bold, her deciding to study Politics Philosophy and Economics did not come as a surprise to me. My parents cried “if you do not study Law you can study Law”. Africans approach to education has always been limited to professional courses such as Medicine, Law and Engineering. My sister called me 3 days ago while I was having lunch and said “I am going natural” “my hair I am chucking it off and growing my natural hair”. A day later on Skype through video chat she explained to me the politics in her decision. She explained ethically why it is wrong that I use Indian hair weaves. No doubt she questioned my ethics for at least an hour but in the end I agreed to disagree. She says the black woman will never be taken seriously if she keeps parading in her “genetically mutated hair” she called it. She now has so much hate for my Dr Miracles kit relaxer. I commend her on her plight I am sure she will look even more captivating with an afro. If I ever choose to join her it would be as a preference not in order to prove to the world I’m proud to be black. I enjoy the privilege of changing my looks only with the power of different hair styles. All races mutate their hair, Indian women spend fortunes to straighten, white women dye their hair, and my friend from Thailand spends loads of money getting her hair chemically curled. That aside I am due for a retouch should call to book an appointment at the hairdressers. I love you sis but I’ll continue genetically mutating my hair.