Twisted Paths – 1

7 Jan

love pad locks
Tomorrow is my friend Uduak’s 21st birthday and I have been looking forward to it for the past one month. I helped her plan the day, chose the venue, hired the DJ and at some point I am going to give a speech which I will most likely free style as I have nothing prepared. I am wearing a spaghetti strap red backless sequin midi length dress, black strappy sandals, and gold costume earrings, choker, bangle and rings. Although I always put in my best, today I am going to extra lengths to look very sexy as my ex-boyfriend Etim will be there. I have not seen him since I walked out of his halls room two months ago in tears, when he broke up with me out of the blue giving me no reason. I mean we were happy, or at least I thought so. He pursued me for two months after meeting me at Uduak’s house the summer before we started Uni; he was going to study Mechanical Engineering at Imperial and I Law at KCL. We eventually started seeing each other and it helped that we were both in London so were almost inseparable for two and a half years. I always had and still have this picture at the back of my mind, me and Etim lying at a beach in the Bahamas, with our 7 year old son and 5 year old daughter in front of us building a sand house. That day and for a week after he broke up with me I felt a lump in my chest, and have since thrown myself into studying for my final year and making sure I graduate top of my class, and last week I received an offer to do my masters at Oxford. I have stayed really focussed at Uni, deferred my training contract offer from Slaughter and May till next year and will be interning at JP Morgan this summer. I have reduced my use of social media to avoid seeing updates about Etim, but he still manages to stay on my mind. Uduak says he always asks her about me, I don’t know if she says this to make me feel better or it is actually true. They have been friends since childhood so I understand why she had to invite him today; I wonder if he has told her the reason why he broke up with me, I have never asked her part of me does not want to know. I thought of bringing a date for the party, but no one has crossed my mind due to me being so recluse for the past two months, I have met no one new and plus me and Uduak have a lot of mutual friends so I will not be lonely at the party.

Of all days to wake up with cramps, the very day I have been waiting for, my first social outing in two months. I call Uduak and we have talk for 1 hour, its funny how we always have so much to talk about she is like the sister I never had, I love my three brothers but I always secretly wanted a sister. I cannot believe I only met her at 6th form feels like I’ve known her all my life, she is the first girl that has been able to understand me, most of my other close friends are guys. Two hours before I start to head to the party the pain killers finally start kicking in, and I receive my first text from Etim in two months saying “looking forward to seeing you tonight baby girl xxx”. And just like that, my cramps come back in full force; my emotions are all over the place, hate, love, irritation, lust, wonder. Normally it takes me fifteen minutes to make up my face, today it takes me one hour because I cannot concentrate my heart is pounding, my palms are sweating, basically I am totally screwed.
I walk into the room do a brief scan and there is no sign of Etim, not that I was expecting him to come on time anyway. I go to say hello to the DJ who I had hired, he comments on how hot I look tonight, I shyly smile and go to give the birthday girl a kiss and her present. Uduak looks beyond beautiful today, I mean she always does but I must say twenty one looks very good on her, she is oozing so much class and sophistication tonight. She is wearing a long sleeve white dress, that has a slit that is up to her mid-thigh, and gold sandals, her boyfriend John does look dapper in his black tuxedo. He walks towards us with a friend of his, we hug and he whispers to me saying he hope I have not told her what he got her for birthday. His friend reaches his hand out to shake me, I notice his hands are shaking, but he holds on to my hand I smile and he finally speaks “hi I’m Tunde and you look beautiful Rita”. I’m about to ask how he knows my name and John reading my mind says “don’t ask”. John and Uduak excuse themselves to go greet other guests. I’m left with Tunde and he starts to tell me how he has known about me for two years, apparently two years ago he saw me at a Zara store on oxford street, and was about to walk up to me but then he heard a guy call out Rita and I looked up and smiled and ran towards the guy who picked me up and kissed me on my forehead. And since then he started seeing me around London mostly with the same guy from Zara, it was not till six months ago he saw a picture of me tagged on Facebook with Uduak and John he finally found out my name.

To be continued!

Until next time,
RDxxx

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Happy New Year!

7 Jan

2014Happy New Year…we made it to 2014

Hello people welcome to the New Year! Yes I know I have been AWOL from here for a minute that’s what happens when life happens. 2013 was significant in some ways, I was tested by many means and I survived it all. Few closed chapters in my life, turning points, and most importantly surplus Joy and laughter… There were moments of uncertainty and doubt as well as moments of endurance and confidence.

Here are a few dominant personal trends of mine in 2013:- African Literature, music, hip hop music, American TV shows, ratchet reality TV shows, cocktails, red wine, beer, YouTube, twitter, instagram, Jewellery, accessories, celebrities, gossip blogs, nails, business plans, movies, church, family, friends.

Excited to see what 2014 brings!!!!!

Won’t be long before my next post!

With love,
RDxxx

Let’s Talk About Dreams

17 Oct

 

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I do not recall when I first grasped that I was not one of those people who were destined to win a raffle draw at every funfair they attend. It’s good I realised that because for that reason I never play the lottery even though I still make plans of spending the money will win one day. I mean a girl can dream right? I do not play but I could still win. On an average a weekly player of the lottery here in the UK spends £150 a year!!! Yup and well last I checked there is a one in one million chance of winning the lottery, but on an average of 2 million play the lottery every day out of 62 million people in the UK. Okay that’s not so bad I am actually in the majority of cynical people, who have realised that they will have to work hard to get what they want in life, or have simply  decided to live of the government and tax payers by  receiving benefits for the rest of their life’s.

I have had this conversation with a lot of people I know that play the lottery and always tell them the odds of them winning, and even after they agree with me that they most likely will never win, it still does not stop them from playing. A line that stands out from one of these conversations I had was “well, you never know”. Yes that’s true you never know, but but BUT STILL! Some part of me just feels that I would not win because I do not deserve to, I have not had a near death experience, an abusive child hood, and I am definitely not mentally impaired so why would the forces of the earth just drop millions of pounds at my door step in exchange for £2.

Let me not deceive you into thinking that I am not a risk taker, because I actually play online poker and bet occasionally on football matches that I know nothing about on my Ladbrokes account, hey! You win some you lose some.

Are my dreams big? Yes they are even beyond massive. I just do not focus on easy ways to the top; I truly believe I have to start from the bottom. Something happened this year that made me realise that I was not thanking God enough for my present, but was too focussed making requests for tomorrow. It was a wakeup call when I realised that what you have now, no matter how little can be taken in an instance and until it’s gone you then realise it was not so bad after all.

Cat on A Hot Tin Roof

25 Jul

Cat on a hot thin roof

Okay the heading of this post has nothing to do with the classic movie. I guess was struggling for a tittle and it popped into my head so why not?? I am just going to update you on some things going on….

So this year has been very rocky, so many things have been going on beneath the smile. I am lucky to have an amazing family cheering me through it all. The Lord does not give you battles you cannot win in the end one just has to keep believing, everything happens for a reason. When life throws you lemons you make a caprihna 😉

Right now I cannot keep questioning things, but just keep moving forward following guidance from the lord. There is always a reason to give praise to the Lord. I was feeling down about something, for about a week and I had not been able to find tears. I am still going through it, but I am getting better. I felt I needed to see tears to know I was fully understanding the implication of what was happening. Alas! it took someones insensitive words to finally make me cry about the situation. You ever feel like you are not fully dealing with pain, you really want to cry but cannot find tears? I felt that way like I was not sad enough, and so when the person said something to trigger the tears even though I was upset, I was grateful that I was finally crying! I kind of understand why people cut themselves when depressed (not that I am depressed) but sometimes your life is crushing and you are just floating in life, but you feel you need to make yourself feel pain to trigger something. Thats why its good to have someone/people you can trust to confide in. In my case I had my family and it was even someone in my family that said something insensitive after I confided that made me cry. Talking about what you are going through reduces the burden on oneself, and reduces the weight you have to carry. However be careful not to share with the wrong person that may not have your best intentions at heart.

Its funny that you can feel your world is crashing, but that very same life is one people can only dream of having. I have decided to stay prayerful and keep trusting in the Lord and I believe he will see me through it all. These experiences will only make me stronger, and only make me more prepared for bigger battles to come. Life is mysterious!

New Friends, Old Friends, And the Rest

25 Jul

I sing along with Drake to no new friends

I wish I could meet new cool people every day though

Sometimes we outgrow old friends and the new inspire

And the rest that were never true, go as fast as you came

People who do not know you feel they have an opinion

People who you thought knew you never had a clue

People who said they loved you never considered your feelings

People who you just met take you down the road never travelled

The road never travelled may finally take me to my desination

A Day to Remember

23 Jun

ABSTRACT
“Thirty days had September, April, June and November all the rest have 31 except February which has twenty eight days and twenty nine days in a leap year”(class chants).Teacher: Now John stand up and tell the class how many days there are in March. John: (stands up looks round the class before speaking) there are 31 days in March. Teacher: Everyone clap for John (kpa kpa..kpa kpa kpa everyone claps for John and John smiles). As a child in Nigeria this is an example of what I learnt in Nursery or Primary school not so sure what level now. At some point may be Primary two or three I had to write creative writing essays such as “My favourite person”( I would debate whether to write about mummy or daddy), “A day you will never forget”( I would debate whether to make up my perfect dream day or write about yesterday).
A day to remember
There are many days I remember and probably will never forget. Oh like the day I saw him for the first time, he was so cute I was scared to touch him at first. He was so tiny with red patches on his face. Granny held him and I looked at him so wowed and went into the hospital ward to hug mummy and she says “do you like your new brother” and I say “yes but when are you coming home”. Oh what of the only,first and last day I saw my dad cry, I had recently turned eight. I mean it’s my dad the definition of a true African Man in tears; well it was at Papa’s funeral. I expected women to cry but watching him and his 5 brothers’ cry was quite gripping. I guess they were allowed to grief the loss of their father but nonetheless it left me bewildered with the knowledge that even the strongest of men do cry. 
This day was sometime early last year. I woke up early in the morning and within an hour found myself in a moving car listening to my then old generation 2gb IPod. My cool sister put all the songs in there and all I can say is I was listening to good tunes. In about two hours or maybe three if you were there you would have spotted me coming out of the car in a foreign city wearing a dress, black jacket, tights and black pumps. I was seated near the front of the church so I could see the pulpit and casket surrounded with flowers clearly. I cannot remember now if it was a Catholic, an Anglican or a Methodist church. I do not remember if I herd any one say Hail Mary or if the prayers were long. But I am sure I was in a church at the funeral of a lady I had never met in my life. From the programme I gather that she left behind a husband, two daughters and a son and many loved ones. Her son reads a bible passage with coldness in his eyes. Her husband is in tears professing how much he loved her and how much he will miss her. Her brother gives a captivating speech of his best friend who always supported, motivated and inspired him. A Christian group say how much she contributed to them. This congregation was full and this was a week day and I wonder how many of these people ever met her unlike me. I sing the hymns wondering if it is right for me to be there. I read her biography but still I do not know her and now I cannot summon up what her name was.

I am in the car again and stepping out at a cemetery. I feel the water pouring, sadly it’s raining. I am given an umbrella which I share with a partner. I am at the grave side again I question if it is right for me to be there. Would this lovely lady that has passed away find my being there disrespectful? Songs are sung by choir, the pastor or the priest say prayers. And then one of the most moving scenes I have ever witnessed occurred. Her husband shovels in sand into the grave crying someone holding on to him. He is saying stuff I cannot utterly hear from where I am standing. Her eldest daughter that looks nothing more than 14 years old shovelled in sand to the grave wailing and crying saying mummy over and over. When it came to her son’s turn he still had the coldness I had seen in his eyes in the church. He shovelled in sand with so much anger. My eyes became watery; he had no tears in his eyes. It was as if he was angry at his late mother for dying of cancer. He moved back and looked away watching the people crying as if he was irritated and dismayed with their grief. More and more people shovelled in sand I remember a woman who struggled to walk to the grave with the aid of her walking stick. The rain was still pouring heavily and I remembered stories I heard in Nigeria of how people consulted native doctors to hold rain from falling during functions. Or stories of how enemies sent rain to obliterate a function. Well I do not think this was the case here as this was in Britain and we all are acquainted with the British weather.

I am in the car again and step out in front of a town hall. And inside there is a buffet of Nigerian cuisine. Jollof rice, pepper soup, assorted meat, moin moin, food and more food. Typical of my people to turn everything to a “come chop” (come and eat) party. I look round and see faces unenthusiastically beginning to smile. Over hear conversations of reunited friends “I’m married now…, it was 5 years ago.., 2 kids” “are you on facebook” (I think why are these forty something year old Nigerians discussing facebook). I look around her husband is talking to people with a plate in his hand smiling; on my way out I catch sight of the back of her son. I could not see his face but I suspect that he was not smiling but I wish that now wherever he is he is smiling. I hope he is not still angry, I hope her beautiful daughters are happy. O I hope there is harmony in their home. And I am grateful to them for having me there. For them I’m sure it was a day of grief for me it was and still is a day to remember.

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Just joined Wor…

14 Jun

Just joined WordPress transferred all my content from 2010 to now from blogspot, hoping to enjoy the blogsphere world here… happy reading 🙂 x