Tag Archives: twisted

We see people how we see ourselves

15 Jul

 

 I came to this conclusion over the weekend after I read some negative comments about someone I happen to respect and admire. I was appalled at the amount of hateful words heaved at this person based on assumptions and misapprehensions. As much as we as humans like to say everyone is different, on some subconscious we still expect everyone to think like we do. Or maybe not exactly think like we do, but do things in a particular manner and when that pattern shifts a volcano erupt.

I SEE YOU HOW I SEE ME

I SEE YOU HOW I SEE ME

In the world of today social media and the internet gives everyone a platform to voice their opinions. Back in the day one had to try to get their views in a publication or media outlet and would be expected to have knowledge on the matter they were discussing or reporting. Radio shows are being replaced by podcasts, television shows replaced by online videos, magazine and newspaper columns replaced by blogs, and anybody can get on any of these platforms and share their opinions and get heard as long as they have the internet. These outlets give people the opportunity to share their unfiltered opinions, especially if there is no monetary gain or conflicting interest. A real journalist is usually told by the organisation they work of certain limits that cannot be crossed when reporting on certain individuals or establishments. Propaganda cannot be avoided and power cannot be ignored, the shadiest people are sometimes also the richest people in control of the world. So a respected media outlet has to consider how important sharing an opinion is as opposed to losing a huge amount of funding. Do you get what I am saying? I mean I don’t think I have to elaborate on that the real life case studies are out there on this matter existing in different countries across the world.

I’ll be the first to admit that I am naïve. Naïve is the way someone who just sees black and white might describe me, in the sense that I do not just see things as they are and always look beyond the surface. For every action there is an equal reaction and I will say it goes the other way too. We just see people actions and have no idea if it’s a reaction to something that has happened to them. And we also hear people words but can read their minds to understand their thought process. Okay! there are people out there who are bat crazy and just do thing for the sake of it. I am not looking at those people, or the ones who have some sort of mental illness and have less to no control of their actions. I am referring to regular people like me who often get misunderstood. I have sent text messages I thought were very clear and precise and gotten instant frantic phone calls asking for clarification and further explanation. I have given compliments to people that have been mistaken as jabs. I have been shy in a gathering and dismissed as a snob and anti-social. I have been honest and described as rude. I have been genuinely happy and lively in a setting and been pegged an attention seeker. I have found it hard to get my points across to someone, mumbling for the right words and perceived as clueless. I have just wanted alone time with myself and considered a missing in action friend. I have been coy about admitting how much I wanted something and was concluded to be uninterested.

Because of my often misconceptions even described by some as a mystery, I like to give other people the benefit of doubt when their actions seem odd. I see people how I see myself, you know as someone who deep down has an optimistic view of the world. I don’t purposely try to hurt people but sometimes it’s inevitable, in other words I can’t hurt myself to please other people. Everyone has to be selfish at some point, maybe sometimes I become more selfish than others would like me to be. There are more straightforward people out there who will find me frustrating, because of what I leave on the surface. I do not blame them as I have come to understand that we see people how we see ourselves.

With Love,

RD xxx

Advertisements

Twisted Paths – 1

7 Jan

love pad locks
Tomorrow is my friend Uduak’s 21st birthday and I have been looking forward to it for the past one month. I helped her plan the day, chose the venue, hired the DJ and at some point I am going to give a speech which I will most likely free style as I have nothing prepared. I am wearing a spaghetti strap red backless sequin midi length dress, black strappy sandals, and gold costume earrings, choker, bangle and rings. Although I always put in my best, today I am going to extra lengths to look very sexy as my ex-boyfriend Etim will be there. I have not seen him since I walked out of his halls room two months ago in tears, when he broke up with me out of the blue giving me no reason. I mean we were happy, or at least I thought so. He pursued me for two months after meeting me at Uduak’s house the summer before we started Uni; he was going to study Mechanical Engineering at Imperial and I Law at KCL. We eventually started seeing each other and it helped that we were both in London so were almost inseparable for two and a half years. I always had and still have this picture at the back of my mind, me and Etim lying at a beach in the Bahamas, with our 7 year old son and 5 year old daughter in front of us building a sand house. That day and for a week after he broke up with me I felt a lump in my chest, and have since thrown myself into studying for my final year and making sure I graduate top of my class, and last week I received an offer to do my masters at Oxford. I have stayed really focussed at Uni, deferred my training contract offer from Slaughter and May till next year and will be interning at JP Morgan this summer. I have reduced my use of social media to avoid seeing updates about Etim, but he still manages to stay on my mind. Uduak says he always asks her about me, I don’t know if she says this to make me feel better or it is actually true. They have been friends since childhood so I understand why she had to invite him today; I wonder if he has told her the reason why he broke up with me, I have never asked her part of me does not want to know. I thought of bringing a date for the party, but no one has crossed my mind due to me being so recluse for the past two months, I have met no one new and plus me and Uduak have a lot of mutual friends so I will not be lonely at the party.

Of all days to wake up with cramps, the very day I have been waiting for, my first social outing in two months. I call Uduak and we have talk for 1 hour, its funny how we always have so much to talk about she is like the sister I never had, I love my three brothers but I always secretly wanted a sister. I cannot believe I only met her at 6th form feels like I’ve known her all my life, she is the first girl that has been able to understand me, most of my other close friends are guys. Two hours before I start to head to the party the pain killers finally start kicking in, and I receive my first text from Etim in two months saying “looking forward to seeing you tonight baby girl xxx”. And just like that, my cramps come back in full force; my emotions are all over the place, hate, love, irritation, lust, wonder. Normally it takes me fifteen minutes to make up my face, today it takes me one hour because I cannot concentrate my heart is pounding, my palms are sweating, basically I am totally screwed.
I walk into the room do a brief scan and there is no sign of Etim, not that I was expecting him to come on time anyway. I go to say hello to the DJ who I had hired, he comments on how hot I look tonight, I shyly smile and go to give the birthday girl a kiss and her present. Uduak looks beyond beautiful today, I mean she always does but I must say twenty one looks very good on her, she is oozing so much class and sophistication tonight. She is wearing a long sleeve white dress, that has a slit that is up to her mid-thigh, and gold sandals, her boyfriend John does look dapper in his black tuxedo. He walks towards us with a friend of his, we hug and he whispers to me saying he hope I have not told her what he got her for birthday. His friend reaches his hand out to shake me, I notice his hands are shaking, but he holds on to my hand I smile and he finally speaks “hi I’m Tunde and you look beautiful Rita”. I’m about to ask how he knows my name and John reading my mind says “don’t ask”. John and Uduak excuse themselves to go greet other guests. I’m left with Tunde and he starts to tell me how he has known about me for two years, apparently two years ago he saw me at a Zara store on oxford street, and was about to walk up to me but then he heard a guy call out Rita and I looked up and smiled and ran towards the guy who picked me up and kissed me on my forehead. And since then he started seeing me around London mostly with the same guy from Zara, it was not till six months ago he saw a picture of me tagged on Facebook with Uduak and John he finally found out my name.

To be continued!

Until next time,
RDxxx